Tots need to be taught

Linda Williams begs to differ with Tate Franz who expressed her views below. This is what she writes:

When my children were infants, I made sure their behavior did not distract others from prayer. As they grew older, I taught them that Church is a place where we go to pray with others and they should not distract others from prayer. I was consistent with teaching Church etiquette. They need to sit quietly. They are to pray when they know the prayer. No snacks or toys allowed because this is our time to pray with others.

When you teach them early, they know certain behavior is expected of them. When my 3 year old behaves, she gets to ring the bell outside Church as a reward. She is a very prayerful child. This is a lot easier than trying to teach proper behavior when they're too old for childcare and I've found the more she participates, the stronger she gets spiritually.

When my older children acted up in Church, we left and returned later. I told them if they continued to disrupt me and others during prayer time we would continue to return until I was able to pray. They did behave and learned to participate but there were many trials and their prayer life was not as deep as my younger ones until they were older.

Let the children come to me!

Tate Franz of Sinking Spring, PA writes:

In her latest article in Sr. Manners Goes to Mass, Sr. Manners said that the place for toddlers during Mass is in the nursery---my church doesn't have a nursery. This means that toddlers have to come to church and (gasp!!!) the congregation actually have to take Christ's attitude towards those noisy little buggers ("Let the children come to me..." right??). When I hear or see those dear little ones in Mass---whether they are making a fuss or not, I am so glad that their parents care enough about them to bring them to Mass. If the Catholic church wants more Catholics, then we need to have a welcoming attitude towards children--because they are (noisy or not) the future of our church.

I am the mother of a special needs child. His name is Tad and he is 12 years old. He is autistic and while he has gotten much better, he used to be very noisy in Mass. So noisy, in fact, that when I moved 4 years ago, in the first church I attended, I was asked to leave because of how disruptive he was. I attend a church now where Tad is welcome--thanks be to God. Tad cannot help that he calls out and he cannot help that he can't sit still. To many, especially when he was younger, he looked like an unruly, undisciplined child. In some churches I went to, I received scowls and sighs as eyes rolled heavenward--the silent (but never subtle) message to me that my son was not welcome in God's house because he was "disturbing". I am so very glad I now attend a church where the parishioners understand that God is not surprised my son is autistic and God is quite glad Tad comes to Mass.

Pope John Paul stated many times that Mass is not individual prayer time. It is community time---it is time for family. Families are noisy. Families have children. We are the Family of God, and we are not asked, but commanded to love one another--and if that means smiling at the poor mother of five children who got up three hours before Mass to make sure all were washed, and dressed and fed so that they could come to Mass as a family, then that is what we are commanded to do.

That being said...I agree if a child is being exceptionally disruptive, then perhaps mom or dad should take the child to the lobby or to the crying room until they are calm---but keep them from church just because we have no nursery? No way!! I know my son was disruptive---but the only way I could teach him to be calm in Mass was to take him to Mass. I am glad God led me to a place where the people understand that. I know I am very blessed to have found such a place, but it saddens me to know that my church is probably more the exception than the rule, and I have to say, that advice like yours, may not help things much. I very much doubt that if a mom asked Jesus if her noisy toddler could come to church, that He would turn her away.

What's the right age to take kids to mass?

Valerie asks: I want to know what would be the best age for a child to start going for Mass. Many a times I have taken my two children (Age 4 & 2) to church for Mass but they just won't stop talking and making noises. I feel very embarrassed because the people are so engrossed in the reading and then one of my kids come up with a cackle.

I also realize that it is important for the child to know the importance of the Church and its teachingsm but do you think this is the right age not forgetting that he will start Catechism when he turns 6 years old.

Toddlers at Mass

I would just like to add to your response on Toddlers at Mass. Not all churches have a nursery or cry room for toddlers. I have attended many a church that do not have this facility.

I think parents need to let toddlers know, who is boss and take charge of them. Talk to the kids and let them know ahead of time that it is Sunday and we are going to church. Explain what behavior is required at church and follow through with consequences if they do not behave appropriately. Remember to praise the toddlers after Mass if they have behaved well. Books, food and drink are not necessary for the toddlers for a short hour if we try to engage them in the singing and prayer. Firmly have toddlers sit on your lap until they are able to sit in the pew without fidget.

I did it with my toddlers who are now 9 and 6 and both children sing and participate at Mass with great enthusiasm and praise for our Lord.

It really can be done. A prayer in the car on the way to Mass helped us through this difficult time.

Translations of "Come Holy Spirit" wanted

Mariann from the US needs some help and we'd be grateful to any of our visitors who provided it to her. She writes:

I just discovered your wonderful website by accident, and will definitely be back!

I wondered if you could help me with a liturgical project for Pentecost. My plan is to create pew pieces for our parish, using a few greens and ribbons. On white ribbons, I want to print "Come, Holy Spirit" in as many languages as I can. I will probably create a Pentecost graphic and laminate it, attaching it to the top of the ribbon, then attach that whole piece on a bed of fresh greens.

Do you have such translations or can you give me any direction as to where I might find them?

Sr. Manners goes to mass

Our new series on HSI - Sr. Manners Goes to Mass has proved to be an instant hit going by readers' reponses. Here is one of the letters we received soon after Sr. Manners went online:

Ami writes: Your article about dress code with Sr. Manners is so appropriate this time of year. People who go to church with skimpy clothes on are a distraction. Our church has a huge Hispanic population and I have noticed that a good number of them attend Mass in spaghetti straps and other inappropriate clothes and the men in tank shirts. I'm thinking this is a cultural thing. What's your take on this?

Readers are invited to respond.

Birth Control and the Church

Anthony Kowalski has this to write in response to Mark Shea's article we ran on HSI titled Cooperating with the Creator: Birth Control and the Church. Readers are welcome to comment.

The article has some fine points in it, but is clearly written for a very conservative base. While I applaud some of its insights, I am uncomfortable with suggesting that young married couples need to first check the period of fertility before considering love-making.

Don't get me wrong, I have never purchased nor used contraceptives in my life, nor have I ever practiced artificial birth control of any kind. Yet my appreciation for the beauty of God's love and the sublimity of the marriage act leads me to a different approach in advising married couples. Self-discipline is of course necessary in all areas of life. But I tend to be much more understanding of married couples and the conclusions to which they are led in conscience during the course of their sexual and marital life. I can no longer be apodictic and absolute in such matters. I find frequently that those who speak in absolutes regarding sexual activity don't really know what they are talking about.

I recognize the "gratia supponit natura" argument and the biblical interpretations contained in this article. But I have become weary of such argumentation. And as for the scientific world, I find more to praise about the advances in science than to condemn. I have moreover come to admire the writings of Huston Smith (retired professor at Berkeley) who argues for the need for the mystical and the spiritual in our lives, and the broad and necessary insights which they bring, while respecting and seeing no contradiction with the scientific advances of our time. I will return to the article again in the future. For now, that is all I wish to say about it.