Talking to Teenage Girls about Sex
In response to an article in our Youth Section: Growing Pains, Pearl writes:
I love this wonderful website and enjoy reading all the contents. I have a question, however. What is the best way to talk to your teenage daughter about sex? I have read the articles by Dr. Leela Francisco on the subject and they were wonderful, but how do we convey this message to girls.
Dr. Leela replies:
The best time to start talking about this subject is to wait for the opportune moment, which usually manifests itself depending on the nature of your child. Those who are quiet and mild tend to take longer to express sexual interest. Those who are more aggressive and active tend to be more expressive about sex earlier.
IF you think its time to bring up the subject, then look for the opportunity for the subject to come up - in a movie or in a conversation or in a real life situation eg: unwed mother. I think a teenager needs to know exactly what your values and perspectives are regarding sexual activity - the values that the parents has. They also need to understand why these values are important.
Further, they need to understand what role sexuality plays in a marriage - that there are other aspect to marriage that have hardly anything to do with having sex that are equally important. This is serious sex - and not the "fun" and "pleasure" that the world offers and makes a priority. Loving the other person is an essential component of sexuality, rather than selfishly seeking personal pleasure using someone else which will leave one more emotionally isolated and immature.
With that crucial benchmark - your teenager is still going to want to make up her own mind about how she deals with her sexuality - unfortunately - at least in the short term. :) But, the good news is, that in the long term, she will prefer to choose and imbibe the values you taught her.
The rest may simply be a good anatomy and physiology lesson (using appropriate terms to explain the various aspects) and there are books available to explain the actual sexual act - if one wants to go that far.
I love this wonderful website and enjoy reading all the contents. I have a question, however. What is the best way to talk to your teenage daughter about sex? I have read the articles by Dr. Leela Francisco on the subject and they were wonderful, but how do we convey this message to girls.
Dr. Leela replies:
The best time to start talking about this subject is to wait for the opportune moment, which usually manifests itself depending on the nature of your child. Those who are quiet and mild tend to take longer to express sexual interest. Those who are more aggressive and active tend to be more expressive about sex earlier.
IF you think its time to bring up the subject, then look for the opportunity for the subject to come up - in a movie or in a conversation or in a real life situation eg: unwed mother. I think a teenager needs to know exactly what your values and perspectives are regarding sexual activity - the values that the parents has. They also need to understand why these values are important.
Further, they need to understand what role sexuality plays in a marriage - that there are other aspect to marriage that have hardly anything to do with having sex that are equally important. This is serious sex - and not the "fun" and "pleasure" that the world offers and makes a priority. Loving the other person is an essential component of sexuality, rather than selfishly seeking personal pleasure using someone else which will leave one more emotionally isolated and immature.
With that crucial benchmark - your teenager is still going to want to make up her own mind about how she deals with her sexuality - unfortunately - at least in the short term. :) But, the good news is, that in the long term, she will prefer to choose and imbibe the values you taught her.
The rest may simply be a good anatomy and physiology lesson (using appropriate terms to explain the various aspects) and there are books available to explain the actual sexual act - if one wants to go that far.
posted by Aneel Aranha ::
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